Explaining Bob and Understanding Myself

 

Bob and I sat about ten feet apart but we were separated by more than a measured distance.

He was as old as my father. I was as hold as his son. Even this wasn’t a measurement that explained why he was difficult to work with, quick to anger, impersonal and remote.

I wondered if it was because we belonged to different unions and our duties sometimes overlapped. I’d never worked in an office where duties were defined by contract, especially a union contract. If a button need pushed it didn’t matter to me who pushed it.

Bob didn’t have the same perspective. He was very protective of the tasks outlined in his union contract. I stayed on my side of the aisle between us.

If there was any hint that I strayed beyond my territorial limits or intruded on his duties, I would soon be on the receiving end of a verbal tirade or the subject of an official grievance.

We rarely talked about anything beyond work. Talk about family, our personal lives, and sports were brief with little shared insight that might allow me to better understand Bob.

Other technicians weren’t nearly so quick to anger over territorial and job transgressions. We often shared our woes about the Braves, a new BBQ restaurant, traffic, MARTA, family mishaps, hunting trips, and past exploits.

I thought Bob’s demeanor might have been the product of a long-ago contract dispute resulting in a lockout and failure of my union to honor picket lines. Even then, the dispute didn’t anger other technicians enough to make it difficult to have conversations beyond what was necessary to get our jobs done.

Bob played golf. I didn’t. I knew he liked to play after overhearing him talking about a specific course he and another person had played.

But that changed with an inexpensive gift. A gift I thought was insignificant.

One day I brought Bob a copy of Time magazine with a cover story about golf becoming a global phenomenon. Knowing Bob’s affection for the sport I offered it as a way of showing my understanding of his pleasures. And, perhaps to soften him up a bit.

I stepped halfway across the narrow aisle between our desks, leaned into his space and offered the magazine. He accepted my totem with a grunt, glancing at the cover before setting it aside and returning to his work.

Later I heard the impossible.

“Hey, Kid. Come over here. Look at this.”

I’d knew that Bob’s space was private, a shrine both personal and professional and that I was a place where I was refused entry no matter the reason.

Now I was being told to step across the threshold.

Bob held up the magazine, its pages spread open. He pointed to a photo.

“Look at this! I was there!” he said, pointing to the small image. He was excited, his voice evoking a joy I’d never heard before.

Like a child bathed in the excitement of an invitation, I looked over his shoulder at the photo keeping my feet ready for a quick exit when he realized where I stood.

The photo showed a small lagoon, it’s blue water and coral beach ringed by lush foliage under a sky with clouds casting no shadows across the postcard-perfect fairy tale view. It was the site of a new golf course, an indicator of how the sport has moved even onto small South Pacific islands.

“I was there. That’s where I landed.” he continued to explain.

I quickly looked at the caption to see which island held this idyllic lagoon.

Guadalcanal.

I began to understand. Marine. Guadalcanal.

For the several hours, I listened as Bob found his voice.

Each story he told began with his head down in reverence to the memory. At its conclusion, he lowered his head returning to the reverential pose.

There was little excitement in the telling. Each sentence seemed measured, weighted with memories of the battles that created them. Nervous laughter filled the empty spaces between tales where death, or fear, or futility, or the smell and viciousness of death, revealed his history.

Dead Marines. A hilltop several feet shorter after a battle against Japanese fighting from the high ground. Layers of dead Japanese soldiers, their bodies tossed down the incline by the soldiers ordered to replace them. The search for and discovery of alcohol to anesthetize the wounds. His friend dying during the search.

More battles continued when he returned, his ship docking in San Francisco. Stories of infidelity, drinking, and fits of anger tempered his return home. There was more nervous laughter but this time it punctuated his personal battle against an invisible enemy.

He never went into battle again although he trained for the invasion of Japan, a task that ended at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

I’m not sure when our conversation ended. Perhaps when his relief came to work. Maybe I stepped across the aisle to do my work and I did’t get invited back. All I remember is Bob, his head down, staring at that photo.

Bob and I never spoke about that afternoon. His exposition conversation was a one time reveal of his Marine experience.

We continued as coworkers for several more years until I moved to another city. Bob no longer seemed angry, so quick to disagree, no longer hostile to transgressions.

Then again, may I no longer let these emotional outbursts get the better of me.

I knew about Bob and Guadalcanal.